A man died and went to heaven. As he approached the Pearly Gates
he saw a huge wall of clocks behind Saint Peter.  The man asked,
"What are all those clocks for?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has
a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man.  Indicating a clock whose hands both pointed
straight up, he asked, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved. She never once
told a lie."

"Incredible!" said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his
entire life."

"Wow!" replied the man.  "Where's Bush's clock?"

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office," replied St. Peter.  "He's
using it as a ceiling fan."

Bumper Sticker ideas for the GOP for 2004:

 Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars!
 Bush/Cheney '04: Assimilate. Resistance is Futile.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Apocalypse Now!
 BU__SH__!
 Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
 Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!
 Bush/Cheney '04: Get used to it!
 Bush/Cheney '04: In your heart, you know they're technically correct.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind
 Bush/Cheney '04: Less CIA -- More CYA
 Bush/Cheney '04: Lies and videotape but no sex!
 Bush/Cheney '04: Making the world a better place, one country at a time.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Or else.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.
 Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism
 Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.
 Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll ever have to cast.
 Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!
 Bush/Cheney '04: We're Gooder!
 Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil
 Don't think. Vote Bush!
 George W. Bush: A brainwave away from the presidency
 George W. Bush: Leadership without a doubt
 George W. Bush: The buck stops Over There
 God Save the King!
 Peace &Prosperity Suck -- Big-Time
 Vote Bush in '04: "Because every vote counts – for me!"
 Vote Bush in '04: "Because I'm the President, that's why!"
 Vote Bush in '04: It's a no-brainer!
 Vote for Bush &You Get Dick!
 Vote Bush in '04: "I Has Incumbentory Advantitude"

Top Ten Things Overheard During George W. Bush's Vacation

10. "This vacation is flying by -- only 33 days left"

9. "Dang, Springer's a rerun"

8. "These margaritas are weapons of mass destruction"

7. "Whoever's in charge really screwed up the economy"

6. "My God! Mars is coming right at us!"

5. "Don't worry, George. In 17 months, you'll have the longest vacation of your life"

4. "Better start making stuff up for the State of the Union Address"

3. "I'm itching to declare another war"

2. "Proceed with 'Operation Letterman.' Make it look like an accident"

1. "Sitting around doing nothing reminds me of being president"

From David Letterman

What is ?

What is the Republican solution to global warming?
Install more air conditioners and build more power plants to run them.

What is the Republican solution to unemployment?
Increase tax cuts for big corporations so that they can hire more people at minimum wage.

What is the Republican solution to poverty?
Increase tax cuts for the rich so that they can hire more undocumented workers at below minimum wage to work on their plantations, er estates.

What is the Republican solution to terrorism?
Encourage its growth until it becomes big enough to nuke.

Space Here for More.  Please send them to:  webmaster@gilbertwhite.com